


A Valentine's Disaster

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Gift Fic, Humor, Romance, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 08:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13677885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: Mei-Ling Zhou was not a jealous woman. That would be unbecoming of her. And jealousy would imply that someone had what she wanted. And that would mean she wanted a certain smarmy, reckless, perverted, irresponsible whirlwind of disaster and anarchy known as Jamison Fawkes.And that was justsilly.





	A Valentine's Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to the VDay exchange for heyheyitsjuju! Hope you like it~

Mei-Ling Zhou was not a jealous woman. That would be unbecoming of her. And jealousy would imply that someone had what she wanted. And that would mean she wanted a certain smarmy, reckless, perverted, irresponsible whirlwind of disaster and anarchy known as Jamison Fawkes.

And that was just _silly_.

So, obviously, she was not jealous.

But as she watched the scraggly repairman crack joke after joke at a supremely unimpressed Satya who kept tap tap tapping away at her keyboard, the idea appealed to her immensely. 

"You're staring."

Mei squeaked in surprise at the gravelly voice from behind her, Jamison's second-in-command (and the only one seemingly capable of working with the madman), Mako Rutledge. Even with his face obscured by the dark sunglasses and surgical mask that were seemingly fused to his face, she could tell he was leering down at her. 

The brunette laughed awkwardly in an attempt to save face. "Staring, me? That's just...that's ridiculous. You're very ridiculous, Mr. Rutledge."

"It's Roadhog."

"Well, this is a place of business."

He chuckled, a raspy, rumbling sound. "Didn't know you were in the business of ogling my boss."

She whirled around to face the mountain of a man directly, face pink. "I was not _ogling_!" 

"Then what?"

She froze. She didn't have an answer for that. Damn him. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"Done."

"Th-Then find something useful to do! Like stopping your boss from flirting!"

Roadhog glanced over at Jamison, who was now talking to her own personal assistant, Hana. Whatever he was saying, it must've gone over better with her; she was barely holding onto the water cooler as she laughed hard enough for tears to fall.

"He's not flirting."

Mei wasn't sure how flirting worked between cultures, but it definitely looked like flirting to her. Just as she was about to retort, Roadhog's next words made her stop cold.

"He's trying to make you jealous."

As vice-president of a security company, Mei had to deal with all manner of surprises. Attempts at takeovers from other companies, corporate espionage, deadlines, difficult clients, and she had an answer and a plan for each and every one.

Those six words had completely undone the honed blade of her mental fortitude and shattered it completely. "Whawhawhawha?"

Even with the mask on she knew he was smiling, clearly enjoying her flustered state.

"And a g'day ta you, too, sheila!" greeted Junkrat, tipping his ratty baseball cap. He smiled that insufferably toothy smile at her that made her heart flutter and question her morals. "Lookin' lovely as always!"

"It's 'Ms. Zhou' to you, Jamison." she replied curtly. "And how can you strut around like that?" She reached forward and fixed the blonde's belt, which had been barely affixed and was allowing his pants to slip.

"Ooh, Ms. Zhou! Awfully bold'a ya tryin' ta get inta me pants out in tha open." He cackled as Mei's face flushed red.

"You have no shame." she huffed.

"Nah. Anyways, yer all set. Printer shouldn't be givin' ya no more trouble."

"Well...thank you. Your services are appreciated."

Junkrat waggled his eyebrows. "Y'know, iffin you want other 'services', I'm happy to oblige."

"Oh, you're _impossible_! Just...gather your things and go!"

He clutched his hand to his heart dramatically. "Oh! Ya wound me, Snowflake!" Doing a short, overly dramatic spin, he swoon and fell back into Roadhog's hands, the elder repairman sighing. "C'mon, Roadie! We's not wanted here! We'd best mosey on out. Off into tha sunset!"

"It's 2pm." Roadhog rasped.

"Then tha fucking midday, whatever! Grab yer shit and let's get moving."

Shrugging, Roadhog dropped his boss and went to retrieve his tools. 

"By tha by..." Junkrat sidled up to Mei, fixing her with a look she knew all too well. "You doing anything this weekend, darl?"

Mei's brain worked frantically to try and come up with something, anything that was occurring this weekend to keep her occupied from whatever machinations the repairman had planned. But nothing came to mind. No reports, no employee reviews, not even a boring business meeting that would normally take all day and most of the night. And it's not like she could lie; she had the world's worst poker face. "N...No..." she finally admitted. "No plans."

"Perfect! Then ah'm taking ya out ta dinner."

If she hadn't heard him say the words she wouldn't have believed it. "Y-You what!?"

"Ya been a big part of our profits these last few weeks, what with all yer stuff going screwy. And all tha people ya could call, ya call us? We're real grateful, sheila. Well, _ah'm_ grateful. Dunno 'bout Roadie, the porky fucker. So's, I'm treatin' ya ta a nice night out!"

"I...don't know what to say?" And it was true. She really didn't know what to say. It was a rarity for her to be at such a loss for words and he had made it happen so easily. 

"Think nuttin' of it! Pick ya up Saturday at eight, Snowflake. Ta fer now."

Roadhog breezed by and picked up Junkrat like one might a gardening tool and lumbered off, his footsteps fading as Mei stood in shock at what just transpired.

"Did that just happen!?" Mei squeaked again as she whirled around to face an openmouthed Hana. "Did junk boy really just ask you out?"

"Why does everyone like sneaking up on me?" she sighed. "And...I think he did. Which is ridiculous. Why on earth would he do that?"

Hana rolled her eyes. "Um, because he's totally in love with you? Did that not register?"

It had, a few times. The way his eyes always lit up when she appeared, the way he always tried to be within close proximity of her, the shower of compliments, the occasional dirty joke at just the right time.

She paused.

"Hana, what day is this coming Saturday?"

"February 14th."

"... _Gāisǐ de*_."

-/-/-/-/-

Fear did not come easily to Mei. But Junkrat offering to take her out on Valentine's Day, the most romantic holiday in the west...that definitely got the fear going. And the worry. Should she fear for her life? Her sanity? The possible food poisoning from the questionable establishment he'd likely bring her to?

"What do I do!?" exclaimed Mei, slumping against her desk.

"Stop being such a big baby and go on the date?" Hana replied. "It's just junk boy; he's harmless."

"HA!" Mei's exclamation was loud and sudden enough to shock even her. "Harmless! Half the time I hear him working it sounds like he's trying to blow up the office!"

"But he never did, right?"

Mei paused. She had a point. "But...he's so rude! And gross! And...and...why are you smiling like that?"

Hana's cheeky smile widened. "No reason."

Mei hadn't been on a date in years, and all of a sudden she'd been asked out by one of the most uncouth and dangerous men she knew. This was absolutely not how she expected her day to go.

"Hana, please help."

"With...what?"

"Everything! I don't know what to do on dates! I haven't been on one in fifteen years! What if they changed the rules!? What if I say or do something stupid!? What if--"

Her cries were silenced by her assistant giving her a few quick spritzes to the face with water, making her sputter. "You were getting hysterical."

Ever the faithful assistant and friend, Hana agreed to help out Mei. The second the day ended, they were off shopping. It was a rare, but welcome moment whenever the two were able to hang out; no office pressure or politics, just two women shopping. What could be simpler?

At least, that was right up until Hana tried to drag her into a lingerie shop. 

"Oh, don't be such a prude!" laughed Hana as she pulled Mei by the arm. For such a small girl, she had a surprising amount of strength. "I guarantee you'll find something you like here!"

Mei shook her head and tried to pull away. "I can't! I just...shops like these always intimidate me!"

The younger girl pouted. "Stop being so difficult. Just get something nice and frilly. Something cute."

"Why would I even need lingerie? It's not like I have anyone to wear it for..."

"Come Saturday, you just might. Junk boy might repair more than your printers." Hana spun on her heel and clutched a hand to her chest. "Maybe he could repair...the hole in your heart."

All Mei could do was stare. "You've been watching too many K-dramas."

In the end, Hana had her way. A quick chat with the shopkeep (who she apparently knew by name, leading to several questions Mei kept to herself), and she returned with something Hana described as 'the perfect blend of sexy and cute'.)

"Wait..." Mei asked as they left. "How do you know my size?"

"I'm your assistant and best friend." smirked Hana. "I know _everything_ about you."

-/-/-/-/-

Saturday rolled around. And three hours before the pick up time, Mei was looking a wreck. Despite her mani-pedi, hair appointment, and Hana stopping her from leaping off the ledge, she was freaked out. Every which way.

So Hana offered encouragement the best way she knew how.

"Woman up!" she shouted, shaking the older woman like a ragdoll. "You're starting to freak _me_ out. It's just a date!"

"With Jamison!" Mei replied. "Jamison Fawkes! He's...Jamison! It would be weird."

"You're making such a big deal out of this. How long have you known him? Like two years?"

"Just about."

"And has he ever given you any reason to worry? Dirty jokes and flirting aside?"

Mei paused. "I...suppose not."

"And he's totally a sweetheart. You'll have a great time, kiddo!"

"I'm older than you."

"Then act like it!" Hana suddenly shouted, shocking Mei. "You are gonna slip into something sexy and tempting, have dinner with the junk boy, and then you are gonna come back and tell me all about it because I have been starved for juicy gossip lately."

Sighing and suppressing a smile Mei went back to looking over her clothes.

"Hana..." she spoke as she picked out her dress. "You're a great friend."

"Yeah, I know."

-/-/-/-/- _Meanwhile..._

"Later, Roadie!" Junkrat smirked as he was out the door. "Off ta pick up mah lovely lady!"

"No, you're not."

"Wot tha fuck do ya mean?"

"Pants."

"... _Shit!_ "

-/-/-/-/-

Actually fully dressed and the sky gradually turning a sunset pink, Junkrat reached Mei's apartment in record time. His heart did flips when he saw her silhouette, but his jaw nearly dropped upon the actual sight of her.

A long, powder blue dress with a snowflake pattern and a slit up the side revealing a generous amount of thigh. Icy blue eyeshadow and matching lipstick. Hair done in an elegant bun. 

Junkrat was so enraptured he just barely managed to avoid driving off and hitting a pole.

"Jesus wept!" Junkrat drawled as he stepped out of his car. "Darl, if you don't look a sight fer sore eyes!"

Now it was Mei's turn to be stunned. He'd cleaned up. Actually _cleaned_ up. No soot or grease. A smart suit with a bowtie. Polished shoe. But most shocking of all...

"Your hair!" Mei squeaked before she could stop herself. 

"Eh? Wot about it?"

"Y-You, ah...combed it."

Grinning, the blonde ran a hand through his relatively tame locks. "Yeah! Roadie did it fer me! Said ah needed ta look 'presentable', 'ever that means." He held out an arm. "Now, c'mon! Time's a wastin'!"

His hand was warm and oddly comforting. Letting the smile on her face show, she stepped in.

-/-/-/-/-

When Mei had first met Junkrat, she'd been surprised by his prosthetics. He hadn't missed it, chuckled, and spent roughly fifteen minutes regaling her with an epic tale of how he used to 'experiment' with bombs as a child and he'd made a 'tactical error'. She was shocked at how blasé he was about it, but that was one of his quirks.

Now, as she clung to the passenger seat of his car while they barreled down the roads at speeds in flagrant disregard of the law, running every red light, cutting off more than a few cars (and one officer whom Junkrat, astonishingly, left in the dust), she was wondering if it was, in fact, his driving that resulted in the loss of two limbs. It wouldn't surprise her.

"Can we maybe slow down!?" Mei shouted over the roar of Junkrat's engine, shrieking as they seamlessly zipped past a red light, between two cars. She heard the screeching of tires behind her, but thankfully not the crunch of metal indicating a crash.

"Well, where's the fun in that?" he howled, sharply turning another corner. The sudden speed sent Mei all but flying into Junkrat's lap. She quickly righted herself, turning her head away as she felt her face heat up.

Despite his best efforts, they made it to the restaurant alive. Well, 'restaurant' was pushing it. The parking lot was filled with vehicles that would've look more suited for a post-apocalyptic wasteland than anywhere else, and she swore she saw what appeared to be a rocket launcher strapped to the hood of one. The actual restaurant looked more like a dive bar than a fine eating establishment, with boarded up windows, barbed wire, and countless spikes along the front. She wondered what kind of clientele drew a place that looked like it was preparing for war rather than serving people.

"Well, here we are!" said Junkrat, gesturing to the restaurant with a flourish. "Ol' Mick's Eatery!"

Mei was still recovering from the high-octane ride over. Her eyes were still impossibly wide, and she still shook a little from when they hurtled through a construction site and nearly hit a cement mixer.

"It looks...quaint?" Mei commented, just as someone was thrown through one of the windows and hit the pavement with a loud smack.

"Ain't never heard no one describe this place loike that!" 

_"I'll bet."_ Mei thought as Junkrat helped her from the car. 

Inside was exactly like how she expected it to be: terrifying. A brawl had broken out in the middle of the first floor, and rather than having it be broken up, much of the scarred, tattooed patrons were placing bets. The combatants, two hefty men that vaguely reminded her of Roadhog, were pounding each other into hamburger, both bloodied to the point it was a miracle they were standing.

"Is that normal?" asked Mei. 

"Nah, not really." Junkrat shrugged. "Sometimes it's four or more. Must be a slow night."

Mei scanned the restaurant; the fight, the rowdy crowd, the vague air of menace...she shuddered at the thought of this being a _slow_ night.

Through the crowd they waded until they reached a booth near the balcony. It had obviously seen better days, seeing as it was held together by nothing more than duct tape and nails, and bore what suspiciously looked like bloodstains.

While Mei delicately eased into the booth, Junkrat plopped down, looking comfortable, as though he were right at home. "So, darl, whatcha feel like? Ol' Mick's has it all."

_'Except a likely seal of approval from the health department.'_ Mei thought. She didn't want to eat anything from this place, but it would be rude...and all things considered, she _was_ hungry. "Do you recommend anything?"

The way his eyes lit up reminded her of a child being brought into a candy store. "Do ah ever! Oi, Wesley!" he snapped his fingers at a gangly young man who was scuttling around the area. "Two'a tha regular, with rolls!"

"Sure thing, Junkrat." he replied, and zipped off, narrowly dodging a glass that was hurled at him from across the room.

"I suppose you're a regular here?" Mei asked in an attempt to make conversation. 

"Hell yeah! Hit up this place at least once a week. Loooove tha atmosphere."

It suited him, she had to admit.

Their 'waiter' returned with a pair of titanic, greasy burgers each on a plate, loaded with fixings and fries, a basket of bread rolls, and two glasses of surprisingly clear water. Junkrat was eyeing them like a starving beast, whereas Mei was wondering what sort of madman would put a fried egg in a burger. 

"Two Belly Busters!" Wesley crooned.

"Much obliged!" crooned Junkrat. He gestured to Mei. "Go on, Snowflake, eat! Ladies first!"

This was probably the first time in her life she hated that rule. 

Delicately, she picked up the burger, making a face at how unbelievably greasy it was; it practically threatened to spill out of her hands. She was terrified of what it would do to her insides, but Junkrat's expectant face...

Oh, what the hell. It wasn't like she didn't have health insurance.

She brought it to her lips, and took as big a bite as she could muster.

Then another. And another. Until, with eyes nearly bulging in surprise, she was halfway through it.

"So, loike it?" asked the blonde smugly.

Mei swallowed before she spoke. "This is fantastic! I don't think I've ever had a burger this good."

"Damn roight, ya ain't!" he cackled, digging into his own. "Best burgers in tha city. Try the rolls!"

As the chaos of the establishment reigned around them, they settled into comfortable meal and conversation. Mei learned that Junkrat had wanted to be a repairman since he learned how to tighten his first bolt. But when she ventured into the topic of Roadhog, he shut it down immediately.

"Let Roadie speak fer himself; it ain't mah place ta talk 'bout iffin he ain't here." Mei actually paused mid-bite; she didn't think the blonde could be so considerate and insightful. More and more he was surprising her.

"So, wha'bout you?" he asked, wolfing down two rolls so quick they looked like they flew into his mouth. "You always wanted to be an office lady?"

Mei rolled her eyes and nibbled a roll. "I'm not just an 'office lady'. I'm CEO for a huge company. I'd think you'd know that by now, working for me as long as you have."

"Eh, ah never bother with tha details. Didn't answer the question, though, darl."

And so she spun her tale, of tiring, sleepless nights, exam after exam, fierce climbing up the corporate ladder until she became head of one of the most powerful companies in the country. So many sacrifices to her personal life, romantic life, sanity. 

She was surprised how much she was willing to share with the repairman. There was something about him that drew her in, made him so easy to talk to. And to think the first day he showed up, she nearly mistook him for a thief. Mei saw a side in him she didn't think he had. Jubilant, respectful, accommodating. 

Against all odds, she was enjoying herself.

"Holy shit in a hammock, if it ain't Junkrat!"

The blonde let out a low, angry growl and sank into the booth as someone approached them. Roadhog was one of the biggest people she knew (right there with her head of HR, Aleksandra), but this person could give both of them a run for their money. He nearly brushed the ceiling with his bald, scarred head, his grin, while missing several teeth, was no less leering or intimidating. His limbs were as thick as tree trunks, and though he wore trousers, his battle-hewn upper half was on full display.

"The hell you doin' here, Rocky?" Junkrat grumbled. "Ain't ya supposed ta be under a bridge somewhere, trying ta eat kids?"

The eponymous Rocky guffawed, shaking the upper floor. "Still got a hell of a mouth on ya, pipsqueak. You and Pig Face still playing with machines?"

"Ah'm a repairman, ya landfill with a face!" Junkrat snapped, jabbing a finger at him. "Ah'm doing honest work, nothin' you'd know about, ya drongo."

But Rocky wasn't listening. He was eyeing Mei, who was doing her best to avoid the lumpy man's gaze. "Welly, welly, well." he said, leering down at the brunette. "Whassa fine lady like you doing with this runt?"

"I'm trying to enjoy a nice dinner." she replied dryly. 

Rocky reached out a finger and poked Mei in the side, making her shriek. "Sure ya need ta eat anymore, la--" He never got to finish. Junkrat leapt up and delivered a lightning fast right hook with his metal arm, the crowd that had gathered letting out a collective hiss of pain. Caught by surprise, Rocky recoiled, but got his bearings quickly.

" _Don't ever touch her, ya sack'a shit!"_

Mei had never really seen Junkrat mad before. Irritated, maybe, at a particular piece of office equipment that was giving him a hard time. Playfully mad, like when Roadhog stopped him from slacking off.

This was neither of those. The eyes narrowed to slits. The bared teeth. The slight foaming of the mouth. The fists clenched so hard the knuckles were stark white.

He wasn't just mad. He was _furious_.

"Fuck's yer problem!?" Rocky spat, rubbing his chin. "Pissed off I touched yer fat girlfriend?"

The blonde let out a primal roar and charged, but it was a purposeful glad. Rocky grabbed him by the hair and slammed him to the ground, where he desperately flailed in an attempt to get up.

Mei, having seen quite enough, wiped her mouth with a napkin, stood, and walked over. 

"This is your only warning." she said, her voice a cold blade, eyes tempered daggers. "Let him go."

"Oh?" Rocky laughed. "And whatchu gonna do if I don't?"

Sighing, Mei placed a hand on Rocky's meaty arm.

She gripped, tight, and he didn't even have a moment to cry out in pain. Mei swung her foot at his leg and tripped him; as he was crumpling to the ground, she wrapped her arms around his, spun, and threw him forward. The reversal sent him sailing through the air where he struck the wall of the restaurant and still kept going; the wood and metal broke beneath his mighty frame, and he hit the ground with a mighty thud, leaving a massive hole in the side of the wall and a small crater on the ground.

Silence reigned in the restaurant; even the fighters who'd been beating each other senseless had paused to stare up openmouthed at what just transpired. Junkrat hadn't gotten up off the floor, simply gazing at Mei in reverence. 

"Well, he was being rude!" Mei squeaked.

A pause, and the restaurant burst into cheers, and Mei and Junkrat immediately were hoisted up by the crowd. 

-/-/-/-/-

The night had certainly taken an interesting turn. Rocky was alive (much to the chagrin of quite a few patrons), but he wouldn't come to raise trouble for quite a while. Ol' Mick, the owner himself, had waived Junkrat's rather outstanding tab, given them two enormous chocolate cakes on the house, and said they were welcome anytime. It had been almost an ordeal in itself just trying to get out; nearly everyone wanted to know how Mei had dispatched someone five times her size so easily.

"Whoo, damn!" Junkrat cackled as he drove. "Sheila, that was fantastic! Where'd you learn ta fight loike that!?"

"Judo every Tuesdays and Thursdays." she replied, blushing at Junkrat's flattery. "Hana got me coupons for my birthday one year and...well, I had so much fun I kept going. I learned some useful things."

The blonde laughed again. "Smart, sexy, and a helluva fighter! How you been single fer so long?"

"Th-That's hardly an appropriate question!" stammered Mei.

"Darl, in tha last two hours, we broke maybe twenty traffic rules and got into a fight; appropriate's roight out tha fuckin' window."

Despite the situation (and the police car they almost rear-ended), Mei couldn't help but laugh. He was so candid, so blunt...so...Junkrat.

They made it back to her dwelling in nearly record time. As she stepped out of the car, Junkrat followed suit, walking with her right up to the door. "Jus' wanted ta make sure ya got in safe, darl."

"Well, that's very sweet of you, Jamie. And...thank you for a lovely evening."

A pause followed, Mei twiddling her thumbs and trying not to let expectancy show on her face. Whether through sheer perception or rightful intuition, Junkrat made his move.

He gently gripped Mei's chin in his hand and guided her face to his. There was no pulling away or whispers of relent. Lips met lips, and, as embarrassed as Mei was that it occurred, she popped her foot, swooning and swaying as they kissed.

Too soon they broke apart, hazel eyes locked onto glowing amber, each lost in the other's for what was a few seconds to the outside world, but an eternity to them.

The moment, however, was ruined, by Junkrat's phone going off.

"Son of a _bitch_!" he shouted, whipping out the accursed device and flipping it open. "Wot!? ...No, ah did not cause a pileup! Least, don't think ah did...well, wot did they say? Tha fuck do ya mean 'reckless endangerment' 'n 'disregard of traffic law'!?" He groaned and ended the call. "Sorry, Mei, evening's gotta cut short."

"Is it anything serious?" she asked.

"Nah, just some blueberries tryin' ta stir things up, with their 'ran twelve red lights' and all sorts'a nonsense. Gotta straighten things out and make sure Roadie doesn't blow his stack."

"Well, I hope--" Mei cut herself off. "Hang on. You just called me 'Mei'."

He blinked. "Did I? When?"

"Just now." she smiled smugly. "You _do_ know my name."

He smiled right back. "Never said I didn't."

"We should do this again sometime. But how about _I_ pick the restaurant?"

"Your choice, sheila!" he laughed as he made his way back to his car. "Ain't no place more fun than Ol' Mick's!"

It wasn't exactly the world's most typical Valentine's Day, Mei thought, watching Junkrat peel out of the driveway. Speeding, greasy burgers, and a fight weren't exactly up top with flowers, chocolates, and a fancy wine and dine. It was all decidedly unconventional. 

But that was Junkrat, after all. Unconventional. 

She'd barely touched her key to the lock when the door was thrown open and the tiny hands belonging to Hana dragged her inside. Before Mei could even make sense of anything, she was practically thrown into the couch, Hana hopping in after her. 

"Okay." she spoke with twinkling, gossip-hungry eyes. "Details."

Rolling her eyes, Mei regaled her tale, of one unforgettable Valentine's Day.

END

**Author's Note:**

> *damn it


End file.
